I am writing this blog not only for myself but in the hopes that is will help someone that is going through the something I have and am going through.
Many of you may or may not know I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints {or Mormon as its commonly known}, and as hard as it is to admit I have been inactive for 2 years.
I got married and moved to Kansas where my husband is stationed. Moving meant attending a new ward. I didn't want to leave my home ward I grow up in, I love that ward and I always will. But sadly getting married means you follow your husband where ever he may go. I was more than happy to move to be with my husband, but I was scared out of my mind. If you know me I don't like change what so ever but I had to face my fears and go to my new ward. My new ward was nothing like my home ward and I just felt uncomfortable. I didn't want to stay past sacrament meeting but my husband convinced me to stay. It was in Relief Society that I decided I didn't want to go to this new ward anymore. The Lesson was about the Temple and the blessings of going to the Temple. In her lesson she stated that anyone that has had sex out of wedlock should be excommunicated because even if they repented they are going to hell anyways. At that moment I decided I didn't want to be apart of that ward. As many of you know I have had sex and had a baby out of wedlock. So I was very upset that someone, a member of my church was saying things that aren't true.
I don't want to sit here a say I stopped going to church because of what that woman had said, yes it was a reason I stopped going to my new ward but not why I stopped going to church. There was a lot more to why I stopped going to church all together. I was angry that my uncle died, I was angry that none of my friends I grow up with talked to me anyone. I was angry that I had a miscarriage. I was just angry at the world but I think the main reason why was when my parents got a divorce. Weather I want to admit it to my mom or not I couldn't cope with it, it seemed like everything I learned was a lie and after finding out my dads deepest darkest secret well that hit the final nail in the coffin. I decided I didn't care anymore, what was the point. So I got my nosed pieced, started smoking, started saying every bad word I could think of, and maxed out our credit cards.
I never realized how my actions effected my kids, my marriage or even myself. Till the day my oldest son asked me who the picture of the man on our bookshelf was. At that moment I realized because I was angry with my dad and to be honest a little angry with God, I let my kids down in knowing who our savior is and all the sacrifices he made for us.
So I throw the cigarettes away and talked to my Dr. about quitting, took my piecing out, got a swear jar, started to get my credit cards under control, and I took the biggest step for my kids, my marriage and myself. We went back to church.
Going back to church was not like I expected. I would come up with every excuse in the book to not go back to church in the past. But going back was the best choice I made. Every talk was like it was pointed at me in confirming that I had made the right choice in coming back to church. I realized today that it wasn't anyone's fault but my own to why I didn't want to go back to church. I should have used the church to answer my questions instead of getting angry and doing everything in my power to not go to church.
So I want to take this moment and encourage you to help anyone struggling with church or just life in general or help them by answering their questions or help by just being their friend. And please remember not to judge anyone because you never know what battle they are facing.
Broken minds can be healed just like the way broken bones and broken hearts can be healed. While God is at work making these repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind. ~Jeffery R Holland
